Empty Nest in the Midwest

How do you stay active after your children have left the nest?

Thinking Out Loud

We Are Not All in the Same Boat, But We Are in the Same Storm

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We are not all in the same boat, but we are in the same storm. Some of us are in a yacht. Others are in a leaky rowboat, barely keeping afloat. Many are somewhere in between. The current issues of institutional racism and the pandemic affect each of us differently.

This is a very different year for us. My younger sons came home from college in mid-March and finished their semesters via distance learning, which is not the college experience they were hoping for. DS graduated with degrees in Computer Science and Computer Engineering, but cannot find a job in the current market. JD – also with degrees in Computer Science and Computer Engineering – just found out he is getting laid off next week due to the company he works for in Jeff City downsizing due to lack of projects. ZD and LC would have been working at Cub Scout camp staff and living away from home this summer, but camp was cancelled so they are also at home.

So our nest is not so empty anymore. All four boys back home!

But we are in a yacht. We are able to provide for them and live comfortably. We have our RV to take off in when we want to get away. The boys are old enough to take care of themselves. And it has been an unexpected bonus having them home again. We play a board game every night at dinner. I really never thought we would have this kind of family time again and we are enjoying it. And I have hope that they will find jobs eventually, even though it might take a while.

So the question is, how do we help those who are in the leaky rowboat, on the verge of sinking. It might be difficult, but we have to look at how we can make life fairer for everyone. How do we throw a lifeline to those who are in danger? How to we patch up that boat and keep everybody safe?

One thing I support is a more even distribution of education funds. The way that education is funded by property taxes and the history of the discriminatory practice of redlining, the effects of which are still felt today, means that I live in one of the best funded school districts in the area. Meanwhile my neighbors who are just a few miles away have much fewer resources. I would support a unified school district or another solution even if it means my property value is not boosted by being in a certain school district.

I think it is also important to be willing to discuss the topics of white privilege and systemic racism. It can be very uncomfortable, but I have to admit that my experience is my own. I know that I cannot fully understand the experience of someone who has lived in very different circumstances than mine.

And we need to be willing to social distance and wear a mask for the sake of those who are at risk. The mask does not protect me, but it does protect my elderly neighbor from any germs I might be carrying.

These are difficult topics, and my own opinions on them. I also need to be willing to listen to others with an open mind and a loving heart.

Handmade Valentine Card – Date Unknown

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Today’s throwback is a Valentine from my dad to my mom. Or it might have been an anniversary card, but since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, I’m going to say it was a Valentine.

My dad was a man of few words and like many in the greatest generation not given to a lot of sentiment. But when he wanted to give a card to my mom he would almost always include some sort of heart with an arrow in it. So even though I came across this card I have no idea when it is from. Could be any time. But it reminds me of both of them.

Decorating the Church for Christmas

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Every year we help decorate our church for Christmas. All four boys were home for this event and they helped too. This has become a family tradition. And their help is always appreciated since they know the drill and they have strong arms to carry all of the trees and boxes from the basement.

In fact, they have come to look forward to it. They like putting up all of the trees, and getting the lights to work, and figuring out which tree stand works. Although this year we have a couple of trees which seem a little wobbly. But as long as no one really runs into them they should be fine.

Most of the work was done on Sunday after 11am mass. Some of the ladies from the parish added the poinsettias on Monday. And then, this morning after 8am mass, I helped put away the Advent wreath. Our pastor put the Christmas banners up and set the lighting. And our liturgical art chair changed the altar cloth and supervised the whole process.

I love the quiet waiting of Advent. And now Christmas is almost here. We are going to midnight mass. In fact, sons number 3 and 4 are serving at mass. Most of the families with younger kids who are altar servers go to 5pm mass, so there were no servers signed up for midnight mass. Son number 3, who still serves mass at his college parish, asked if there were servers. When I told him nobody had signed up, he volunteered and talked his younger brother into doing it too. It is really nice that that our boys enjoy doing this still.

So the presents are wrapped and the cookies are baked. I have food ready for Christmas dinner tomorrow night. I am looking forward to midnight mass. Rejoice! God saves us. Every day. Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Photo credits go to our pastor. 🙂

Hopeful Waiting: Time To Get Out the Advent Wreath

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I love the season of Advent! I’ll break out the Christmas decorations in a couple of weeks, but for now I am going to experience the joy of hopeful waiting. So I got out the base of my Advent wreath. I still need to get some greenery to put around it, but for now that can wait. 🙂

I like appreciating this moment. It is not Christmas yet.

The season of Advent means there is something on the horizon the likes of which we have never seen before … What is possible is to not see it, to miss it, to turn just as it brushes past you. And you begin to grasp what it was you missed, like Moses in the cleft of the rock, watching God’s [back] fade in the distance. So stay. Sit. Linger. Tarry. Ponder. Wait. Behold. Wonder. There will be time enough for running. For rushing. For worrying. For pushing. For now, stay. Wait. Something is on the horizon.

Jan L. Richardson

It is so easy to miss this season of “not yet”.

So I am working on patience for the next few weeks. I don’t need everything right away. The busyness of Christmas will wait. This is the time to ponder the wonder of Love living in our midst. And what does that really mean in my life. How does the reality of the Incarnation change me? And can I be patient with those changes, which as I get older I realize take place over decades. The Holy Spirit seems to work on me very slowly.

I will even be patient with my Advent wreath which doesn’t have it’s green stuff yet.

Price Is Not the Same as Value

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Bigger is not better. More stuff does not mean more happiness. Price is not the same as value.

We live in a society which really values money and material goods. After I had already written these words a few days ago, I talked to a friend of mine who recently left her job to return to being a homemaker. We talked about the reaction we can get when they ask what we do and the reply is “I am a homemaker.” It is sometimes a look of disappointment often followed by a lack of interest.

And at least she has little kids at home. When my youngest left the nest, several people asked me if I was going to get a job. Because of course I should want more money. I am busy. I do a lot of volunteer work. I blog. I do some free lance web site development. My days are full. But there often seems to be a pushback that if I am not making money at what I am doing, then it does not have value. I once even had someone tell me that I shouldn’t be in a role without getting paid for it. But if I want to offer my services free of charge, why shouldn’t I.

I think it is great for men and women to be out in the workforce earning money. But I also think being a homemaker is great. And I am fortunate that The Husband has a good job and can provide for us. We have enough and having more material wealth won’t necessarily make us happier. Shouldn’t we be able to pursue the paths which are right for our own families without being made to feel like what we do is without value?

My Dad, a WWII and Korean War Veteran

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My dad passed away over 6 years ago. He was a member of “The Greatest Generation” and served in World War II and the Korean War. We are fortunate to have an autobiography he wrote after he retired. Part of it recounts how he joined the Navy in 1944. He was seventeen years old. (Photo at the bottom of this post.)

He was a technician in the Navy. His interest in electronics began in Christmas 1941, just a few weeks after the attack on Pearl Harbor.

I became interested in radio and electronics when I received a crystal radio set for Christmas in 1941. … All through high school I learned as much as I could about how radios worked and always strung long wire antennas at the Kirkwood and Webster houses. I built a two tube superregenerative short wave receiver, played with cast-off radios that anyone would give me and had ambitions to be a hamatuer radio operator. In the last semester of high school I found out that the Navy needed radio technicians. As an incentive to any lad who could pass the “Eddy” test, the Navy offered enlistment as seaman first class (pay of $65 per month instead of $50 as an apprentice seaman) and nine months of rigorous electronics training. I passed the test and Mom allowed me to enlist on April 30, 1944. I was put on inactive duty until I graduated from Chaminade on June 3, 1944. I was seventeen years old.

I am grateful for my dad and all of the other men and women who have protected our freedom through the ages. Happy Veteran’s Day to all of you!

My dad’s picture from his WWII tour in the Navy and the flag which was presented to us at his funeral. And a crucifix made out of bullets. The cross was from my mom’s side of the family, but I don’t know the history of it.